Today my neighbor visited me with her three year old nephew. He seemed a bit cranky and began throwing tantrums as soon as we got them seated. Being a “not-so child friendly” adult, I looked at my mom to help me out with the kid. She tried interacting with him, but he just became more cranky, so my mom suggested that he can play with toys. His eyes lit up with the word “toys” and he slowly turned his face from his aunt’s shoulder and looked towards us.
I stared back at my mom clueless, because in our house of four adults, we had no toys to entertain a child. She shooed me to go and find something that resembled a toy to keep the little one calm. I went scavenging my room and found a few of my old button eyed stuffed toys which my mom preserved from my childhood. The sad memory filled condition of it, made me realize it’s not an ideal for a child throwing tantrums. Within a few minutes, I finally found a toy! I mean for me it was a treasured piece, a photography prop, but for any three year old, it was definitely a toy.
It was an auto. My wind-up, green and yellow auto. I rushed back into the hall and placed my dusty little auto in front of him. I ran back to get a cloth to clean off the dust and re-present it back to him, thinking that, that would make it more appealing. But I definitely did not win his heart with the ‘old -not-quite-amusing’ toy. With defeated sighs I began to pull the auto back and let go.
The way that auto rushed to hit the wall in full speed, resembled my past week. A week which went by in a blink of an eye. Yet each day of it felt like an eternity that had no possible end. Surprisingly the whole month before it, I had no events to share, no exciting memory to remember, absolutely nothing that made my brain exhilarate. And in just a week, I felt as if half the year had gone by already.
So in just a week – I graduated online with an Honours degree, I discovered that I am demisexual, I got selected for an internship after being rejected almost everywhere, I lost the crush I had on a guy, I changed the layout of my room, I noticed my stray pets reached their sexual maturity, I reactivated my social media accounts despite having no confidence to share anything socially, I even got the first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine!
As I sit on my bed writing this now, I feel wound-up. I’m just trying to process half of what has happened. I don’t think my tiny little brain can completely comprehend so many changes that occurred within a span of seven days.
Maybe in the pandemic I too was dust covered and deserted in a corner, I just needed to be pulled back and let go to have arrived this far.